I often find myself amazed at the understandings and feelings that a young child can carry. I’ve seen Archer and how he reacts to different news and different occurrences in life. When the characters on a TV show get sad, he shows sympathy. When they get angry, he shows anger. His little heart and mind are so incredible that I often wonder how he learned these. I haven’t taught him to “grrrr” when he’s upset or clap when he’s proud of his own achievements. But yet he’s showing me these characteristics everyday.
Today hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve been on the phone all morning trying to set up consults to pick our new babies surgeon. It shouldn’t even be right that I am trying to pick a surgeon for a baby I haven’t even met. Whoever said motherhood was easy, was beyond wrong. As I sat here crying, he comes up and says “don’t cry” and lays his little head on my thigh for the brief 4 second spam he has and then walks away. He doesn’t even understand why I am crying but he took some time to show compassion and my heart just melted. I am raising the best boy who is going to make the best husband, best dad, and best friend in the future.
Life often gets hard, it does for everyone. I cannot tell you how much I have been tested this last year to rely on my faith. At times, I break down and question why I have been chosen to take on this job. I sometimes can’t even get past thinking about the future because the unknown is scary. I feel this sweet baby kicking inside of me and knowing that when it arrives is gonna be a whirlwind of emotions, doctor appointments, surgeries, etc. It breaks my heart to think my baby will have to suffer through all this.
As February approaches Archer will be turning 2 and he has seriously grown so much in the last few months that my heart aches, but I am so happy to see him growing and living such a good life. We surely have our moments of tantrums, tempers, and meltdowns but that is life. You see those perfect instagram feeds of the perfect, spotless house… Perfect put together moms + kiddos, and you instantly label yourself as a failure because your kitchen isn’t that marvelous and your lucky if you put a bra on today…. But what I realized is it isn’t real life. Most of those bloggers photos are completely staged, (sometimes it isn’t even their house), and life isn’t always perfect. Sure we all try to hide those imperfect moments from the social media world but why? Why pretend that everyday I wake up, cook the perfect hearty breakfast, get myself all dolled up and go out with picture perfect intentions. I’m lucky if Archer even get’s breakfast and seriously if I put a bra on today.
One of my resolutions for the year was to capture real life moments. You know those ones that you freeze for a simple second and think to yourself “how can life get any better?” Those are the moments I want to capture of my family. The moments that when I look back on in 20 years I will instantly feel that happiness surround my heart because I’ll remember how I felt when that photo was snapped. I’ve been documenting Archer’s feet a ton lately. I love his toes and how he has little dimples on them and they are chunky and cute and just full of life. That is what I want to remember. I find myself hating the images that I am in because I’m not happy with my body, or my looks. I think that most mothers now days will agree that being in photos in the hardest. But to hell with it and to hell with others opinions. I’m trying to be the best example for my children and friends and frankly anyone whose reading this or looks to me as an example. I want to show that it’s okay to not always look picture perfect or to have a little flab here and there. I mainly want to show that life is imperfect and that is completely okay. Don’t waste the days hating your body or your image cause life is too short and will slip away in a instant.
This post was beyond random and I applause all those who read through it and hopefully got some sort of inspiration or feelings towards it. It’s mainly a way that I can communicate with myself and hopefully look back on these posts in a few years and realize that it all had a purpose. The weekend is near, you all can do it.