Why I chose not to give in || 

I’ve been thinking of this blog for a few weeks now.

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When I first found out about our sweet boys cleft, I was mortified.. embarrassed… hurt. I told hardly anyone and those I did, I was beyond nervous for and it took me time to actually tell them.  I remember telling my husband that I wasn’t going to take him out anywhere.  He wasn’t going to be on social media, he wasn’t going to be laughed at by our cruel society.  I wanted to lock him up until his lip surgery because I wanted to keep him safe.  I was so scared to bring this precious baby boy into this worldwith the thought of how others would view me and him.  I was scared of being teased, scared of being judged. I was scared of showing him to the world.

But I was wrong.

The second I saw that precious face, I melted.  My heart felt so much love for him and in that moment I knew he came to me to help me through this life.  I cry just thinking about how lucky I am to be his mom.  The world stopped the moment they placed that 8 lb 11 oz baby onto my chest.  The tears flowed out my eyes, they flowed out Ty’s eyes and the spirit was so strong the day he came into the world.  I was blessed.

He has taught us so many life lessons that I will take into my daily life forever.  I use to always look at children or adults with unusual looks and or abnormalities and wonder what happened. But now I look at them and I think of how strong they are.  How they concurred life.  How they didn’t let people stomp on them.  Their parents are tough, they are tough, their siblings are tough. They are warriors.

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Once Wilder arrived, it took me a few days to fully be on board.  I laughed, I cried, I experienced every single emotion in such a short period.  I finally got the nerve to announce his arrival to social media.  Not too many people knew of his complication.  We kept it a secret because we weren’t fully ready for the whole world to know about our special little boy.  When I finally announced and shared our story I turned my phone off for a few hours.  I was so scared of someone posting a rude comment, I was sick to my stomach.  When I turned it back on, I had several shares, likes, comments, messages.  Everyone was supportive & so kind.  In that moment- I wasn’t going to let his cleft define us.. it was not going to define him.  He was going to be shown to the world and we are going to document and show everyone the good, the bad, the ugly of this journey.  This is us.

IMG_6300I took this situation in my hands and I’ve made the best of it.  We document each day, each appointment and every aspect of this cleft life.  He’s miraculous and so strong.  He’s endured so much in his short two months of life then some children endure in 2 years.  He’s taught lessons, caused us so many smiles, and truly truly blessed us in more ways then one.  He is amazing.

Being a mom of a child with a complication can teach you many things.  Prayers are always the answer.  Friends don’t stay by your side.  Tears happen…daily.  You grow up, in more ways then one.  Learning to cope with the complication brings so much peace and relief.  You think of others everyday.  Little things that people do for you, mean the world.  You want to strangle those who take for granted their perfect pregnancies, or healthy babies.  You feel jealous and saddened when someone announces their perfect baby and wonder what yours would be like without the complication.  Your trusting your baby with a surgeon you barely know.

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If you have a cleft baby- the NAM will be your best friend … or your worst enemy.  You will get weird looks, so prepare your come backs.  You will need burp clothes.  You cannot be hard on yourself if you can’t breastfeed.  You will worry, everyday.  You will grow to appreciate You will feel saddened when it’s almost time for their forever smile to appear.  You’ll have a cleft team that has around 9 doctors on it… and you’ll most likely forget who is who.  You will get excited when your child drinks from a straw.

Life can get messy. It can be hard, it can be wicked and it can suck.  This last week has been hard and I’ve felt so ungrateful and so saddened by some personal reasons but when I take a look at Wilder.. I realize none of that matters.  The fake friends don’t matter, the 10 hour weekly drives don’t matter, the messy house, hamper of laundry… it doesn’t matter.  My husband, my kids, my life matters.  My two boys are my life, they’ve both been the biggest blessing.  They matter.

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In the end- you can let your situation define you, or you can define it.  Don’t let it take ahold of you, be an example.. be a friend… and take control of it.

During all these struggles my faith has grown and I have grown as a person.  It hasn’t been easy, it has been complete hell but I love my little boy & if you could give me the chance to change this outcome, I wouldn’t.  Because he is amazing in every way possible.. cleft & all.

 

sincerelytheblondeloog

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