You can read about my pregnancy and part 1 of Wilder’s story —-> HERE!
Wow. Wilder turned four months a week ago and I finally decided to finish up his birth story to share with everyone!
Back in March, I started my weekly checkups and was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my little boy. A few people knew what the gender was but we never fully announced it on Facebook so it was a surprise to many.
I dilated super early and was at a 4 at 36 weeks. I kept thinking that maybe he’d come any day and possibly be early. I always had a feeling that he would come super super early and be pre mature just because nothing with this labor had gone according to plan. I didn’t want to jinx it by being prepared super early, so I had our bags about 75% packed and was about 50% ready for him to come around 37 weeks..
37 weeks came and my BP was starting to rise. (It did the same thing with my first baby so I wasn’t surprised.) I just laid low and the week went by and everything stayed good. 38 weeks came and it was higher so my OB sent me for a blood draw. Everything came back normal but our little guy was measuring big, 40 weeks (at 38 weeks) and my BP was high so he decided inducement was the best thing. I loved being induced. I haven’t ever had a natural labor so I may not know the difference but I like to have a plan and to know when and what time my baby is coming. My dr. told me to go home and that L&D would be calling to set up my inducement time. With my first baby, I never experienced contractions on my own because I was induced at 39 weeks due to high BP and had no signs of labor before that time. I figured that L&D would call around 10 PM and set me up for in the AM so we went for a ride, looking at a few houses for sale, getting a snow cone, pretty much just killing time until L&D decided to call. I was starting to get a few contractions and could feel them coming but they weren’t nothing major.
At 7:30 PM I got the call and they wanted me to be at L&D by 8:00 PM THAT NIGHT. Like whoa. I instantly started to bawl and have a small panic attack. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this. I had so many emotions leading up to this pregnancy and so many things that I was not mentally prepared for. I was already preparing myself for the worst possible outcome. I cannot even begin to explain the emotions that I had running through my body. The last week of pregnancy was the hardest week I had faced. If you read my back story on Wilder you would know that we were concerned with his brain, well this week all I felt was that he was going to be down syndrome. The ultrasounds came back normal after several abnormal ones, but I just had this bad feeling. Not that anything is wrong with down syndrome babies and I’d love my guy no matter the outcome, but it was stressful and I was scared. We ran home to finished getting our stuff together and head to the hospital. My nerves were so high and I just kept thinking and thinking about meeting this guy. I chose not to alert the Facebook world and we only told close friends and family that we were having our baby that night. The reason behind all the secrecy during our pregnancy was because we were scared. We were worried he wasn’t going to make it at some times during these last 9 months and until he was in my arms, I didn’t want everyone to know and to be excited for us when at this moment, we weren’t too excited ourselves.
We arrived shortly after 8 and by 9:30 I was all hooked up ready to roll. I had felt like I needed a blessing from my husband, dad and brother since day one. My dad unfortunately had work and couldn’t make it but my brother came down, Ty and our awesome neighbor, Kason came to join. They gave me a blessing and my nerves instantly calmed down. I am so grateful for the power of prayer and the priesthood to be in my home. These last 9 months all I had was to rely on my faith and my prayers to pray that our baby boy would be okay in the end. This situation really made my testimony grow stronger and made me rely on prayers each night and several times during the day.
I was having some small contractions but nothing major. I had told myself that I wasn’t getting my epidural until a 6 and I was holding out. (I got it at like a 3 with Arch haha!) They came in and broke my water and after that contractions started to hurt. I decided it was time for my epidural and they checked me and I was at a 6! Heck yeah for holding out ;). They gave me the epidural and I was tired so I decided to lower myself and lay down to try to get some rest since it was around midnight. The epi went all to my head and I was having a hard time breathing so I had to have some oxygen and to get the epi back to my legs, etc. I dilated from a 6 to a 10 pretty fast, like within a hour. Dr. K arrived and it was time to meet this boy.
Leading up to moment, they had told me several things. Expect a room full of people, doctors, nurses, NICU, etc.. Expect problems and expect your baby to be wheeled to the NICU right after birth. Expect chaos and rumbling during and afterwards. With all this, My mom took Archer out to the waiting room and left Ty and I to welcome our baby into the world. I told a few friends that he was getting close to coming but I mainly just stayed to myself and our family during this time.
I went to find his custom name blanket, and couldn’t find the diaper bag anywhere. We had left the actual diaper bag at home in all the running to get to the hospital! I made my run drive to my house really fast (luckily we don’t live too far from the hospital) and grab the bag that had his beanie, custom blanket, etc.
At 1:27 A.M. Wilder Bigt Yardley arrived into this world. They laid him upon my chest and I sobbed… I sobbed and I sobbed. I don’t think I had cried that hard since the first ultrasound. I hugged my baby and I cannot even begin to describe how strong the spirit was in that room. He started to have a hard time breathing so they took him away from us and cleared everything out. The weird part was- there was less people that day in our room then when I had my first boy. I was worried about all the commotion but it was so calm, so peaceful and perfect. Since no one knew I was in labor besides close friends (who had been there every step of the way) and close family, I wasn’t having a million Facebook notifications, texts, etc. (which I appreciate those by the way) It was Ty, myself and our baby.
After clearing his nose, they announced he weighed 8 lbs 10 oz and was 21 inches long. I hugged my sweet boy and we looked at his cleft. It was perfect. He was perfect. I never thought I would feel love towards him, but my heart burst with it. It was such a easy labor, which I needed so so bad. I had told myself this was my last child because of how hard this pregnancy had been but after his labor I am considering having more children. My mom brought Archer in to meet his new baby brother. He took one look at him, gave a stunned face.. and traced his little finger around his head and said “hmmmm…. round, circle.” My HEART MELTED! We laughed, we cried and we loved on this new addition. My mom took Archer back home and we got up to our room and settled in and we just stared at him. He was such a blessing.
When I woke up a few hours later, I didn’t feel quite the same. I felt nervous, sickened, and just upset. All our family and friends wanted to see photos and hear all about him/labor … and I couldn’t send them. I felt like I was in some sort of trance and just couldn’t quite get it together. I couldn’t have them see his cleft through a picture and to show others around them. What would everyone say? What would they think? I was so hurt and upset over his cleft that I just cried. I could instantly feel PPD instantly coming on and I barely wanted to hold him. The first visitor we had was my best friend. She came in to see him and I couldn’t hardly talk about him. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t proud. I just laid in the bed and kept to myself. I wasn’t even close to feeling normal. I still kept feeling like he had Down Syndrome or something else was wrong. I told everyone to please not share a photo with the world. No one was allowed to take a picture of him, and I still wouldn’t send them to our out of town friends, etc.. We met with our pedi and we talked genetics, and we decided we wanted to get genetic testing done on him. T walked back with him to get his blood drawn and he said they took blood like on a adult. Wilder didn’t cry, he didn’t fuss.. he was strong during it all. We went over the genetics and they doctors ensured he was fine but I still stressed. I voiced my concerns to my NICU nurse about how I had been feeling and she recommended we do skin to skin more. We started to do that and I instantly changed. I was happier, doing much better and accepting our new reality. I started to send snapchats to friends, I face-timed my friend in Texas and showed her our sweet, baby boy. I started to feel like myself again.
Wilder did struggle with eating. He wouldn’t eat, kept spitting up, and I was feeling SO discouraged. The NICU put so much stress on us that if he didn’t start to gain he would need a feeding tube. We tried and tried and suddenly, he finally caught on and began to eat. I still wasn’t ready to tell the whole world about him because I wasn’t quite sure how to address it all. It was so new to me and just hard.
We went home after three days of being in the hospital and adjusted to life as a family of four. Having two kids is much harder then one! T had to go back to work like the day after we had him so I had a early start on being alone with both of them. I decided to tell the world that our baby had made it safe. I explained our situation with my post and after I posted it, I turned my phone off. I couldn’t bare to see what people were going to say because I was so scared. A few hours later, I turned it back on and I was amazed. We had so much support and so much love shown towards us. That meant so much to us- to hear and see everyone support our little guy. The first couple weeks were still hard to adjust to. We were on a strict 2-3 hour feeding schedule and I was pumping. I would wake up at 2 AM pump for 30 mins. then get Wilder up an he would eat in 15 (he had to finished his bottle in 15 mins or he burns more calories then he consumes) and then try to get him back to sleep and then I’d get to sleep for about 2 hours and do it all over again. We traveled to Salt Lake to meet with his surgeon when he was about a week old and got the game plan of the next few months. I remember the first time that someone asked to see our new baby… it was my older neighbor and I had him covered outside when she came down and she asked to see him. My heart sunk, i started to shake, I couldn’t hardly breathe and I uncovered him and had the hardest time even showing him to the world because of his cleft. The panic attacks were a real thing with me. It didn’t stress T as much but with me I always always kept him covered when we went out.
Since then, I do try to keep him covered and I still get hesitant when I show him to the world and or when little kids see him ask what’s wrong with him. It hasn’t gotten easier but I have gotten more use to it. I cannot explain the love I have for Wilder and how much he has taught all of us in such a short short time. He has endured more then most kids do in their lives and its only just beginning. He is a blessing, a blissful soul and I am so beyond proud to be his mom and to raise him. Everytime he smiles, I instantly melt. I remember saying to my husband one night as we laid in bed and bawled that we weren’t going to be able to love him like we love Archer. But I do, I love him so much and god knew that we needed to be his parents and help raise him to be the man he is. Life isn’t always picture perfect and we all struggle from time to time, but with faith everything will be okay and life will go on. The horrible start of this pregnancy had an amazing ending and tells a amazing story…. the story of Wilder Bigt is just beginning and I cannot wait to see what he does in his lifetime and who he influences. I already know that I have helped so many people come to terms with their child’s cleft and I have chosen to not let his disability keep us from sharing him. He deserves to be shown to the world and the world deserves to see him.