Wilder’s Birth Story | Part 2

 

You can read about my pregnancy and part 1 of Wilder’s story —->  HERE!

Wow.  Wilder turned four months a week ago and I finally decided to finish up his birth story to share with everyone!

Back in March, I started my weekly checkups and was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my little boy.  A few people knew what the gender was but we never fully announced it on Facebook so it was a surprise to many.  View More: http://tarahphoto.pass.us/babywilder

I dilated super early and was at a 4 at 36 weeks.  I kept thinking that maybe he’d come any day and possibly be early.  I always had a feeling that he would come super super early and be pre mature just because nothing with this labor had gone according to plan.  I didn’t want to jinx it by being prepared super early, so I had our bags about 75% packed and was about 50% ready for him to come around 37 weeks..

37 weeks came and my BP was starting to rise.  (It did the same thing with my first baby so I wasn’t surprised.)  I just laid low and the week went by and everything stayed good.  38 weeks came and it was higher so my OB sent me for a blood draw.  Everything came back normal but our little guy was measuring big, 40 weeks (at 38 weeks) and my BP was high so he decided inducement was the best thing.  I loved being induced.  I haven’t ever had a natural labor so I may not know the difference but I like to have a plan and to know when and what time my baby is coming.  My dr. told me to go home and that L&D would be calling to set up my inducement time.  With my first baby, I never experienced contractions on my own because I was induced at 39 weeks due to high BP and had no signs of labor before that time.  I figured that L&D would call around 10 PM and set me up for in the AM so we went for a ride, looking at a few houses for sale, getting a snow cone, pretty much just killing time until L&D decided to call.  I was starting to get a few contractions and could feel them coming but they weren’t nothing major.

At 7:30 PM I got the call and they wanted me to be at L&D by 8:00 PM THAT NIGHT.  Like whoa.  I instantly started to bawl and have a small panic attack.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this.  I had so many emotions leading up to this pregnancy and so many things that I was not mentally prepared for.  I was already preparing myself for the worst possible outcome.  I cannot even begin to explain the emotions that I had running through my body.  The last week of pregnancy was the hardest week I had faced.  If you read my back story on Wilder you would know that we were concerned with his brain, well this week all I felt was that he was going to be down syndrome.  The ultrasounds came back normal after several abnormal ones, but I just had this bad feeling.  Not that anything is wrong with down syndrome babies and I’d love my guy no matter the outcome, but it was stressful and I was scared. We ran home to finished getting our stuff together and head to the hospital.  My nerves were so high and I just kept thinking and thinking about meeting this guy.  I chose not to alert the Facebook world and we only told close friends and family that we were having our baby that night.  The reason behind all the secrecy during our pregnancy was because we were scared.  We were worried he wasn’t going to make it at some times during these last 9 months and until he was in my arms, I didn’t want everyone to know and to be excited for us when at this moment, we weren’t too excited ourselves.View More: http://tarahphoto.pass.us/babywilder

View More: http://tarahphoto.pass.us/babywilderWe arrived shortly after 8 and by 9:30 I was all hooked up ready to roll.  I had felt like I needed a blessing from my husband, dad and brother since day one.  My dad unfortunately had work and couldn’t make it but my brother came down, Ty and our awesome neighbor, Kason came to join.  They gave me a blessing and my nerves instantly calmed down.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer and the priesthood to be in my home.  These last 9 months all I had was to rely on my faith and my prayers to pray that our baby boy would be okay in the end.  This situation really made my testimony grow stronger and made me rely on prayers each night and several times during the day.

View More: http://tarahphoto.pass.us/babywilderI was having some small contractions but nothing major.  I had told myself that I wasn’t getting my epidural until a 6 and I was holding out.  (I got it at like a 3 with Arch haha!) They came in and broke my water and after that contractions started to hurt. I decided it was time for my epidural and they checked me and I was at a 6!  Heck yeah for holding out ;).  They gave me the epidural and I was tired so I decided to lower myself and lay down to try to get some rest since it was around midnight.  The epi went all to my head and I was having a hard time breathing so I had to have some oxygen and to get the epi back to my legs, etc.  I dilated from a 6 to a 10 pretty fast, like within a hour.  Dr. K arrived and it was time to meet this boy.

Leading up to moment, they had told me several things.  Expect a room full of people, doctors, nurses, NICU, etc..  Expect problems and expect your baby to be wheeled to the NICU right after birth. Expect chaos and rumbling during and afterwards.  With all this, My mom took Archer out to the waiting room and left Ty and I to welcome our baby into the world.  I told a few friends that he was getting close to coming but I mainly just stayed to myself and our family during this time.

I went to find his custom name blanket, and couldn’t find the diaper bag anywhere.  We had left the actual diaper bag at home in all the running to get to the hospital!  I made my run drive to my house really fast (luckily we don’t live too far from the hospital) and grab the bag that had his beanie, custom blanket, etc.

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At 1:27 A.M. Wilder Bigt Yardley arrived into this world.  They laid him upon my chest and I sobbed… I sobbed and I sobbed.  I don’t think I had cried that hard since the first ultrasound.  I hugged my baby and I cannot even begin to describe how strong the spirit was in that room.  He started to have a hard time breathing so they took him away from us and cleared everything out.  The weird part was- there was less people that day in our room then when I had my first boy.  I was worried about all the commotion but it was so calm, so peaceful and perfect.  Since no one knew I was in labor besides close friends (who had been there every step of the way) and close family, I wasn’t having a million Facebook notifications, texts, etc. (which I appreciate those by the way)  It was Ty, myself and our baby.

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After clearing his nose, they announced he weighed 8 lbs 10 oz and was 21 inches long.  I hugged my sweet boy and we looked at his cleft.  It was perfect.  He was perfect.  I never thought I would feel love towards him, but my heart burst with it.  It was such a easy labor, which I needed so so bad.  I had told myself this was my last child because of how hard this pregnancy had been but after his labor I am considering having more children.  My mom brought Archer in to meet his new baby brother.  He took one look at him, gave a stunned face.. and traced his little finger around his head and said “hmmmm…. round, circle.”  My HEART MELTED!  We laughed, we cried and we loved on this new addition.  My mom took Archer back home and we got up to our room and settled in and we just stared at him.  He was such a blessing.

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When I woke up a few hours later, I didn’t feel quite the same.  I felt nervous, sickened, and just upset.  All our family and friends wanted to see photos and hear all about him/labor … and I couldn’t send them.  I felt like I was in some sort of trance and just couldn’t quite get it together.  I couldn’t have them see his cleft through a picture and to show others around them.  What would everyone say? What would they think?  I was so hurt and upset over his cleft that I just cried.  I could instantly feel PPD instantly coming on and I barely wanted to hold him.  The first visitor we had was my best friend.  She came in to see him and I couldn’t hardly talk about him.  I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t proud.  I just laid in the bed and kept to myself.  I wasn’t even close to feeling normal.  I still kept feeling like he had Down Syndrome or something else was wrong.  I told everyone to please not share a photo with the world.  No one was allowed to take a picture of him, and I still wouldn’t send them to our out of town friends, etc.. We met with our pedi and we talked genetics, and we decided we wanted to get genetic testing done on him.  T walked back with him to get his blood drawn and he said they took blood like on a adult.  Wilder didn’t cry, he didn’t fuss.. he was strong during it all.  We went over the genetics and they doctors ensured he was fine but I still stressed.   I voiced my concerns to my NICU nurse about how I had been feeling and she recommended we do skin to skin more.  We started to do that and I instantly changed.  I was happier, doing much better and accepting our new reality.  I started to send snapchats to friends, I face-timed my friend in Texas and showed her our sweet, baby boy.  I started to feel like myself again.

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Wilder did struggle with eating.  He wouldn’t eat, kept spitting up, and I was feeling SO discouraged.  The NICU put so much stress on us that if he didn’t start to gain he would need a feeding tube.  We tried and tried and suddenly, he finally caught on and began to eat.  I still wasn’t ready to tell the whole world about him because I wasn’t quite sure how to address it all.  It was so new to me and just hard.

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We went home after three days of being in the hospital and adjusted to life as a family of four.  Having two kids is much harder then one!  T had to go back to work like the day after we had him so I had a early start on being alone with both of them.  I decided to  tell the world that our baby had made it safe.  I explained our situation with my post and after I posted it, I turned my phone off.  I couldn’t bare to see what people were going to say because I was so scared.  A few hours later, I turned it back on and I was amazed.  We had so much support and so much love shown towards us.  That meant so much to us- to hear and see everyone support our little guy.  The first couple weeks were still hard to adjust to.  We were on a strict 2-3 hour feeding schedule and I was pumping.  I would wake up at 2 AM pump for 30 mins. then get Wilder up an he would eat in 15 (he had to finished his bottle in 15 mins or he burns more calories then he consumes) and then try to get him back to sleep and then I’d get to sleep for about 2 hours and do it all over again.  We traveled to Salt Lake to meet with his surgeon when he was about a week old and got the game plan of the next few months. I remember the first time that someone asked to see our new baby… it was my older neighbor and I had him covered outside when she came down and she asked to see him.  My heart sunk, i started to shake, I couldn’t hardly breathe and I uncovered him and had the hardest time even showing him to the world because of his cleft.  The panic attacks were a real thing with me.  It didn’t stress T as much but with me I always always kept him covered when we went out.

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Since then, I do try to keep him covered and I still get hesitant when I show him to the world and or when little kids see him ask what’s wrong with him.  It hasn’t gotten easier but I have gotten more use to it.  I cannot explain the love I have for Wilder and how much he has taught all of us in such a short short time.  He has endured more then most kids do in their lives and its only just beginning.  He is a blessing, a blissful soul and I am so beyond proud to be his mom and to raise him.  Everytime he smiles, I instantly melt.  I remember saying to my husband one night as we laid in bed and bawled that we weren’t going to be able to love him like we love Archer.  But I do, I love him so much and god knew that we needed to be his parents and help raise him to be the man he is.  Life isn’t always picture perfect and we all struggle from time to time, but with faith everything will be okay and life will go on.  The horrible start of this pregnancy had an amazing ending and tells a amazing story…. the story of Wilder Bigt is just beginning and I cannot wait to see what he does in his lifetime and who he influences.  I already know that I have helped so many people come to terms with their child’s cleft and I have chosen to not let his disability keep us from sharing him.  He deserves to be shown to the world and the world deserves to see him.

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sincerelytheblondeloog

 

The story of Wilder Bigt Yardley | part one

You can check out my blog post about finding out we were pregnant HERE and all about that life update.  This is to focus on the stuff that I didn’t share publicly.  It does kind of jump around since I add a new paragraph based on our appointments, so bare with it as it is more of a rough draft then a finished novel.  If you read the first initial post you already know how this pregnancy was emotionally rough for me.  I’m not sure exactly but it just wasn’t a walk in the park like I had with Archer.

At 16 weeks, we went in for a gender ultrasound.  I remember being excited to see our baby, I already knew he was a boy because we had gone two weeks earlier (14) to Vegas to see he was a boy.  But we were excited to see his little face again.  I remember laying there and she was moving the probe? all around my belly and we could see our cute little guy just a wiggling.  The ultrasound tech was taking fairly longer and kept saying “I want to get a good shot of his face” which I thought she was doing it to be kind.  She kept going over all the organs in his little body which I was confused by because this wasn’t our anatomy scan, it was a “fun” scan.  Anyways, I was telling her how my pregnancy with Archer was beyond perfect, we had no complications, I loved every day of being pregnant.  All of a sudden she got quiet and said “I see a complication.  I need to grab the doctor.”  I sunk into what i cannot even begin to explain.  It was by far the WORST feeling I have ever felt.  Ty squeezed my hand and we waited for the Doctor to come in.  This is where I went a little blank.  I cannot remember exactly how everything went because I was just in some type of dream/nightmare it felt like.  Our doctor came in and they exchanged whispers and then that is when we found out our baby had a cleft lip.  I initially broke into a cry…more like bawl because hearing those words that your child has a “complication” “abnormalitiy” or anything wrong with it is beyond horrible.  We went into a private room and our doctor grabbed some printable for us to read when we got home.  I still sat and cried and cried and cried.  I don’t recall ever crying that hard.  We went out to the car and I remember my mom was sitting in the passenger seat (Archer had fallen asleep prior to) and I just sobbed and sobbed.  I could barely drive home because I was a wreck.  I cried for days, even weeks and grieved over the loss of our perfect baby.  It wasn’t that I was embarrassed but I was more scared and nervous of what people may think or say.  It was hard news to actually accept.  We live in a world where social media is everything.  I choose to share my life publicly with people and people can be beyond cruel.  I was scared as well, when you first imagine a cleft lip it automatically is hideous, its cruel and its not what you want to hear is wrong with your baby.  My heart hurt so badly and I barely had the courage to tell anyone what was going on.  I told my closest friend and I still didn’t quite know the words to even say.  We were set up to come back in 4 weeks at his 20 week anatomy scan to double check everything on little man.

20 week appointment rolled around and my parents came down to go with us.  By now we had told T’s brother and my parents.  As I was getting ready to go to my appointment, I started to get some pretty bad back pain and stomach pain.  I honestly thought I was going into preterm labor.  I called my Dr and he wanted me to rush to labor and delivery.  We ended up missing the appointment and I was hospitalized instead.  They ruled out premature labor and marked it has a kidney stone.  24 hours passed and I was good as new and ready to head back home.  I often think that things happen for a reason..  maybe I wasn’t suppose to attend that appointment, or maybe there would have been false info given. I’m not really sure but I felt comfort in not attending it and rescheduled for another time.

We arrived back at 24 weeks, I pushed back the appointment as long as I felt I could because I was so scared to go back.  Not only were we finding out about the cleft but we were doing a full anatomy scan which could lead to other problems.  I was already a wreck before we went back and my nerves were sky high.  My parents once again came down to join us and she started the ultrasound.  She went over every little ounce of his body and then confirmed that our sweet baby had a unilateral left sided cleft lip.  She did say that everything else came back positive and there was no other side effects and she thought that palette was 90% not involved which was excellent news.  We were referred to see a specialist however to conclude on these findings.


I started to feel really good, although it was still hard to process all this information, I was doing okay.  We went and saw the specialist around 26/28 weeks (cannot really remember TBH) and we didn’t get the best news we were hoping for.  During this visit we had a very depth ultrasound.  It was around 2 hours long and we went over everything on the baby.  When they were doing this scan I kind of just felt numb.  I didn’t quite know what to think and the tech was moving so fast over everything and I just was a little shocked.  Once the doctor came in he started to use big words and describe everything that he saw.  To put it down into regular people wording, he basically told us that our babies brain was dilated and had fluid inside it the left ventricle.  This could be several things including the Trisonomy’s, and several other things that he went over with us in a book.  We went into a small room with the doctor and a family counselor and he pulled out some type of “doctor” health book and showed us every possible thing that could come in the coming weeks based upon our sweet babies little brain.  It was scary for us to sit in a room and be told everything that “could happen” over the next few months before our precious baby made it into our lives.  I thought I cried a lot at the first ultrasound but this one took over.  I was beyond scared and all I could think about was my poor, little baby.  He wanted .. actually begged us to do genetic testing but in the end it would only stress me out more plus he did mention that it isn’t always accurate and insurance doesn’t like to cover the new genetic testing that he wanted us to get done and it ran quite expensive.  We decided to deny it mainly because I wasn’t going to abort my baby based on the test results and the results would only make me more nervous to live each day.  He wanted us back in a few weeks to recheck the ventricle and see the progress (that would help conclude what was exactly going on.)  We had decided to let family know that we were having some complications but didn’t want to say what because we honestly didn’t know.  It had been changed so many times on us that we were unknown ourselves.  If you can imagine, this month was pure torture.  We spent several nights praying and crying to our heavenly father to please please bless us that our babies brain would end up fine and that nothing besides the cleft would come into play.  I don’t think I have ever said as many prayers in my life as I did this whole month.  My heart was hurting in more ways then one and I felt hopeless and weak that I couldn’t do anything.  It was one of the roughest months I have ever endured.  I didn’t want to do anything baby because I wasn’t sure I would even be bringing a baby home.  

We went back around 32ish weeks to see the specialist again.  This time he said he was fairly certain that our babies palette was involved as well as the lip.  But we got somewhat good news, the brain ventricle did not progress any!  Which was a huge step because normally, it would progress due to the babies age in the womb.  We also found out that our baby was measuring TWO weeks ahead!! This seriously was some of the best news we could have received.  Normally babies who are having brain problems run small in the womb so to find out that our little babe was measuring two weeks ahead was proving that our prayers were working.  The stats on the brain stayed the same which meant that there still could be some problems but it was a step forward in the right direction.  I instantly felt so much more relived.  I was still scared and worried but I felt peaceful and thankful with these conclusions.

IMG_7271We never have gotten the perfect image of that sweet little face, so we decided to go down to Miracle in progress to see if they could get some for us.  What a sweet success it was!  We got some amazing images of our sweet babe and saw just how chunky the cheeks are.  I instantly fell in love and when I saw the cute little clefty smile, I melted.  This baby is precious and beautiful and is so so so loved already.  Archer points to the images and said  “baby” every time he sees a ultrasound and we know that this sweet babe is meant to be ours.  I truthfully feel that we were granted this trial because we could handle it.  Our heavenly father knew that we were meant to be his parents and blessed us with this sweet, amazing little guy.

Fast forward through several appointments, ultrasounds, and visits the specialist decided to mark off the brain as being NORMAL!!  This was huge news, like for once I didn’t bawl my eyes out after the appointment.  He wasn’t worried about the babies brain anymore and marked it completely normal.  I literally felt like I was in seventh heaven.  We have had several people praying for us and helping us during this hard time that I am so thankful for.  I finally felt some comfort knowing that this little babes brain was marked normal.  I still had some doubts but I was so grateful for this great news to come to us.

FullSizeRender 13This whole time we didn’t want to tell anyone besides a few people because we didn’t want rumors to spread and people to talk.  We also weren’t sure how to address it because we to have been in the “unknown” for so long.  People have been so supportive during this time even though we had some “nosey” people try to dig up the information themselves.  It wasn’t that we are ashamed of telling this news, its that we have not known what to expect or what exactly was wrong with our babies brain.  It wasn’t some fun little game for us to have people try to guess what was wrong.  This baby is REAL, and we are REAL people with REAL emotions.  For those of you who are reading and respected our privacy and didn’t try to dig information out of family members, or friends we highly appreciate it.  We know that many of you have kept us in your prayers and have helped us in more ways then one and we are so grateful!  I am truly truly grateful for those of you who have kept us in your prayers and been so supportive even when you have been stuck in the dark.

We had to meet with surgeons and it was harder then I imagined.  There is something that isn’t right about having to pick a surgeon who will perform surgery on your child especially at such a young age.  We narrowed it down to two excellent surgeons but we still cannot quite decide who to choose.  Both have several pros and both have several cons about them.

Some basic information/Facts/FAQ:

  •  I was healthy this pregnancy.
  • I did not drink any caffeine until the 3rd trimester.
  • I did not have alcohol or drugs at any time.
  • I took care of my body and took my prenatal vitamins.
  • Clefts do not run in our family history (that we are aware of.)
  • 1 in 700 babies are diagnosed with clefts.
  • 1 in 450 babies in UTAH are diagnosed with clefts.
  • I was prescribed a medicine during the early early stages of my pregnancy to help with an allergic reaction I had from the medication they gave me to help us get pregnant.  Our specialist did research and noticed that this drug does not pass through the placenta well and could very well be the cause of this cleft in our baby.  (we told the Dr we were most likely pregnant upon being prescribed the medication) Studies are shown in animals and in the UK that this steroid drug causes clefts in pregnancy, but the US has not ruled it has being unsafe for pregnant women.  I trusted the Dr. and I took as little as possible, but heavenly father knows what he is doing and we were meant to have this blessing be given to our family.  It was a blessing in disguise but we are so thankful for our little baby to join our family.
  • A babies face forms from the back forward.  This is why you have a small indent on your top lip and some have a “butt chin.”
  • The babies face forms in just TWO days!

Fast forward through 2 more ultrasounds, our sweet little guys brain didn’t change one bit.  SUCH GOOD NEWS.  We filled family in on his little complication and prepared for him to join our family.  They instantly all fell in love with him and supported us 100%.  It was a good relief to have a few people know and I didn’t have to keep it on the down low anymore because we had answers.

We hit 38 weeks and I instantly became beyond nervous.  I was nervous on how to accept him, I was nervous on how to show him to the world.. would I even want to show him off?  This was a whole new ball game for us and our answers were unknown.

I will blog all about his birth in my next post and how we decided on his name.

xoxo,

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